Sunday, April 30, 2017

Enjoying What It Is

I had a pretty good weekend. I got a lot done, did a few things I wanted to do, spent some time with people I like and people I want to get know better, and went to a few softball games of Sabrina's. And I'm going to need all of this accumulated pleasantness going forward, because this is the way you work through the downs, the feelings that you get at times when you think your life stinks and/or you don't get what you want, or you dwell on how shabby you've been treated by other people or by your job or strangers.
Distraction is a well-known parenting technique with babies and toddlers, and I have found that the same principle still works on adults. When there are major disruptions in your life, when you are going through emotional changes and emotionally-charged situations, it is necessary to do two things: maintain routines as much as possible, and find ways to stay busy. And this week was like a buffet of ways to do that:
1) I made every meeting I normally make, and went to two I haven't been going to recently, either. One still sucks; one ended up being very good.
2) I met with my sponsor and the sponsee I've been regularly meeting with, and resumed with my long-term sponsee and made a commitment to communicate daily and meet regularly.
3) I made almost all of Sabrina's games, at least in part.
4) I tried to visit with my brother as much as I could.
5) I've connected with a few people I knew but really didn't know this week, and found them worthy of spending more time around. I really enjoyed going out to the Chinese buffet with someone yesterday afternoon, instead of Taco Bell or McDonald's or some hideously overpriced sit-down restaurant. One of the men in the rooms that I've known for a long time but kind of just tolerated, I went to his house yesterday, and was surprised by how different he is there. The woman that's lived around the corner from me for a year continues to be a revelation. I'm talking to more people than ever on social media, trying to expand my horizons and my circle. And it's working.
6) I worked hard at my job to get my billable hours in. And don't intend to take any more personal time or wayward-woman time off for some time. My budget is busted; there's no more leeway (although in a development that can only be described as God-sent karma, I am getting MOTY's tax return because of back child support. It's not here yet, but it's coming).
7) Even stuff that didn't happen, I was willing to do. Someone offered to take me fishing yesterday, someone with (ahem) manageability and reliability issues, and it didn't happen. But I was willing to try it.
8) Today, we are going to try to start off with our "Sober Softball" games. I doubt we'll get a huge turnout, but build it and they will come. And my waistline can use all the exercise it can get.
9) I'm making a commitment to start walking the dog further again. He's getting fat and bored, too.
10) The Rangers are still playing, and I watch as much of their games as I can. Although yesterday was ulcer-inducing, and the season may only last two more games.
But this is the way of depression-induced obsessions. And the planting of seeds that might bear good fruit in the future. I'm not chasing the next relationship, and I'm not pining for the last lost one. But I'm not in a monastery, either, and I am finding that enjoying someone's company for an hour or three at a time is enough to be happy right now. I don't need massive commitments of time and emotion right now.
There are also unpleasant aspects of keeping busy--and one of them is working on Sundays. But it's time to get ready.

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