Friday, April 21, 2017

Bye, Felicia

Even though it's been clear for some time that this little experiment in domestic tranquility had gone off the rails, I had been still been nurturing my better instincts. Aside from the reluctance to accept that so much time and effort had been for naught, there was also a lot of care and concern for the other party, trying to model a better way, trying with increasingly frantic desperation to head off what I know is going to happen. In some ways, I felt like Bruce Willis in the first Die Hard movie, standing out on the runway waving the warning sticks as the plane comes in for a landing with its navigational system tampered with.
But sometimes you just have to accept reality. And as I was talking to my friend last night at the meeting, I realized another truth heard long ago and that had buried in the recesses of my memory.
Another person at the meeting asked me if I felt relief. It isn't the only emotion that I feel, but yes, there is a lot of that coursing through me, too. I had willingly taken on the commitment, but there is always the option, especially when both your input is being ignored and you are being disrespected, to simply say, "Hey, this is not my problem and this is not my life." And that point of surrender was reached yesterday, and suddenly none of it matters anymore. I don't have to engage except on my terms now, and I'm not going to. The time for consideration is past; God knows there wasn't much extended toward me.
You can't polish a turd. End of story.

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