Wednesday, April 12, 2017

An Emptier House

The next act arrived yesterday. I don't know how how long this stage is going to take, but I'm looking at it as a chance for an honest, rational, non-emotional assessment of what has been and what will be. And I've already started that process by doing what I learned, at great cost, to do all those years ago; pay attention to the people around me and be open-minded to input other than mine.
And also to stay busy, and to reflect, not obsess, and also to keep it simple. The first question of the day is going to be "Do you miss having her around?" It wasn't so apparent yesterday, but that's what I am going to be asking myself at the end of the day.
And listening to my friend talk about his wife's inability to stay clean and stay out of jail, listening to a good friend's brutally honest characterization of the situation, helps. There was also input on the other side, too, to be sure. But most of all, I just need to take care of what I need to take care of today--at work, on a family level (my brother, I found out last night, is in the hospital), around the house, with friends. I might make tonight's meeting, if things break right, and I definitely am going to make my home group Thursday, for the first time in a few weeks.
I don't think complete openmindedness is possible. After three-plus years of experience, it really isn't realistic to expect that. But I just want to make sure that what I think I am going to do would be done for the right reasons, not on emotions. And the emptier house can also serve to empty some of the clutter in the mind.
And I haven't forgotten that this process might be going on with her, too. She surprised me yesterday somewhat, in a good way, and the chance of losing someone that has been taken for granted for a long time sometimes has a salutary effect.
But for now, I'm doing what needs to be done, and also taking care of myself. I went to bed earlier than I have in a long time last night, and slept a little later. It's a start..

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