Saturday, October 8, 2016

Sorting Through The Mess

It is fast approaching the one-year anniversary of the date when my time at my former employer ended, which was the opening salvo in a series of cannonades that have radically changed my life in the last year. The employment situation took some time to stabilize, but the end of the night shift exile is near to hand, and I have been with my new employer long enough for the benefits to kick in, which means that should I need or want to miss a day of work, I will not short myself when payday comes.
It didn't take long for me to take a day, either; I am going out of town when I leave work this morning, and although I should be back before dark, I really don't want to go to work tomorrow night with hardly any sleep (especially since I picked up the Sunday night assignment when the scheduled relief for my colleague fell through). That trip is being undertaken for a few reasons, and one of them will be trying to bring some clarity as to what the future might look like in a few months.
I'm also trying to find the proper approach and balance to take regarding Somebody. I have made an impact in her life in a positive fashion, and I grew quite a bit as a result of being with her for so long. But the line between enabling and supporting remains fairly elusive, even with her awaiting assignment to a longer-term solution. And my feelings and ideas on where the line is change a lot, sometimes by the hour, and about the only thing keeping me even-keel with the situation is that I am talking about it every day with a number of people in a newly widened support network. If that doesn't sound like a big deal--well, I have never sought out this kind of input before, and I'm doing it now because I've made a mess of both this relationship and relationships in general for many years now. If I knew what I was doing, there would have been a lot less chaos and uncertainty in this area of my life over the last decade or so.
And people keep dying from the epidemic that, according to our county executive, doesn't exist (daily reminder that Preston must be voted out come Election Day).  The latest was another that hit close to home; he was the son of a guy I went to high school with and someone that I knew from repeated attempts to recover. We are approaching 70, if not having crossed that number, deaths from overdose this year. There have been a couple of hundred lives lost in the last three to four years. And with the election less than a month away, I feel compelled to do something. I don't know if the guy running against the executive is going to use what I and another couple of people are creating--but even if he doesn't, it will be all over social media closer to the election. Nobody's stubborn stupidity, combined with an ego nearly completely divorced from reality now, should prevent our government from pursuing solutions to the biggest crisis in the area.
So between job, personal life, and passions, I've got a pretty fair amount going on. Add to the mix my daughter's stuff, my mother getting older and sicker, the usual merry-g-round of a 12-Step fellowship, and dealing with a few people (such as my ex's mother) that I would rather not, and it's a pretty busy time right now. I envy these people that post on Facebook and share in meetings about being "bored." I would love to feel bored even one day out of the year.

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